if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize