I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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