I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize