So drunk, too bad you don't want this
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
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Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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