Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
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I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
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Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize