Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
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I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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