Life is so much better after having sex.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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