Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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