you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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