I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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