John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
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I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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