I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize