where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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