twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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