Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
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Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
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Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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