I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize