I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize