I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize