Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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