Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
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it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
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He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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