ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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