she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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