seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize