But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
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I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
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So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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