she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
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i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
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Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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