i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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