It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
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