eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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