When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize