some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
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And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
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You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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