I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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