i just wanna soil my oats bro
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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