May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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