I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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