i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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