Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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