im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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