I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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