I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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