u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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