do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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