Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
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She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
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Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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