Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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