He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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