Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize