Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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