Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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