My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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