Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize