Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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